I'm afraid this summer is going to be quite an ordeal for Nikki. With the weather warming up the bugs are starting to come out. The problem started simply enough about a week ago over breakfast. There was a fruit fly zooming around her while she ate her oatmeal. Hannah saw it and tried to scare it away by getting really close (which meant right in Nikki's face) and screaming at it. Well, I think Nikki was scared far more than the fruit fly was. Ever since then she has been terrified of flies. We tried to go for a walk after supper a few days ago and she completely freaked out when she stepped out of the garage. She kept crying, "Flies! Flies!" and was shaking all over. So, she went back in while we walked around the neighborhood (during which I almost stepped on a snake).
Last night she had a hard time going to sleep and stayed up playing in bed way too late. At about 9:30 pm we heard her start screaming hysterically, so I went in and she was standing at the foot of her bed just terrified. It took a while for her to calm down enough to tell me that she had seen a spider in her bed. It just so happens that I'm terrified of spiders, too. So, how am I supposed to calm her down when all of a sudden I feel like brushing off my back and hair and looking all around my feet to make sure the spider isn't on me? I tried my hardest to stay calm, though, and we searched all under her pillow and all through the blankets. It didn't matter -- she wouldn't lay down, and I couldn't take her out or Hannah would want to get out of bed, too, and then there would definitely be problems the next night getting them to bed. So, now that I've made a short story very long, I ended up laying beside her for a little bit and she was asleep in less than 5 minutes.
I'm a little torn between showing sympathy for her bug-phobia and telling her to get over it. I understand how she feels because I don't like them either, but come on ... a fly? It's too bad because we finally have a yard with lots of grass to play in, and I plan on spending a great deal of time out there this summer.
4 comments:
poor nikki. i'm kind of a bugophobe (?) too. spiders are my big thing, but i'm not really fond of any of them if they get on me!
the sleeping thing is a big one at our house too. elise worries about having bad dreams & doesn't like to sleep in her bed. i had bad dreams sometimes as a child, so i feel sorry for her. i think that balance of sympathy/empathy vs. "get over it" is really tough. sometimes i worry that by indulging her fear i'm actually doing her a disservice. but that's the route i've chosen. (she's sleeping on a blanket by our bed.) and sometimes i wonder how much is genuine fear (it sure seems real to me), but then again, did she just find the right thing to get what she wanted (ie...sleeping in our room)? sooner or later we'll have to face the music, but right now....
you're a great mom, so i think you'll figure out what to do. and thank goodness we don't have a plague of flies...it might be more than nikki could handle! =)
Well, it continued again tonight. Nikki didn't want to get into bed because of the "itsy spider." I'm really not convinced there was one last night, but she certainly is. Then, when she had no choice but to get in bed, she refused to lay down. She sat up in bed for 2 hours. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that she can be so stubborn, since I'm the one being stubborn enough to make her stay in there.
poor nikki. growing up is hard...for kids & parents!
so many times i see the kids do things and, sometimes with pride, sometimes chagrin, i know all too well "where they got that from!"
so are the flies still bothering her or has she switched to spiders? i hate those creepy crawlies too. when we lived in wilmington, we were in a house that had been vacant for a while & it was on coast, so bugs were more prevalent. a couple of time i saw a spider (one of the really, really big ones) and while i'm terrified of them alive, i'm scared to kill them too. (prepare to be freaked out by my paranoia...) elise was probably between 18 months & 2 years old when this happened. so when i saw the spider & knew i had to kill it, i told elise, "mommy's scared of this spider so i'm going to say a prayer to help me get rid of it." so we said one together & then i grabbed the broom and squished it! but with each attack of the broom i was freaked out, so i would scream every time i squished it. you don't reckon i traumatized her at all did i? i've tried not to put my fears on her, but sometimes that hasn't worked too well! (obviously!) =)
When no one else is around I end up killing spiders the same way because I can't stand the thought of leaving them to go have thousands of baby spiders! Of course when other people are around I let them do it so I don't have to scream in front of them. Hannah will even kill them for me sometimes.
Maybe I'm starting to get through to Nikki because she has been talking all morning about how spiders sleep in spider webs and not in her bed. And then when we were getting into the car she said, "See, there's no flies," like it was okay to be outside because the coast was clear. Hannah keeps trying to tell her that flies are nice, but she just says, "One time, a fly scare me. That's not nice." At least she's willing to leave the garage.
We haven't really encountered too many other kinds of bugs besides flies and spiders lately (thank goodness), so I hope we can get over this terrified stage before we get to the wasps and everything else the summer brings.
Why is it that she happened to pick up my curly hair, stubbornness, and fear of bugs? It would be nice if I could have chosen what qualities to pass on to her. Oh well, I guess I should just watch my own actions a little more!
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