My talk about Mom

Okay, here comes a really long post. Nate and I spoke in church on Sunday, and I thought it would be a good idea to record for posterity's sake what I shared. Or at least, what I would have liked to share if my mouth hadn't gone so dry and if I could have taken a deep breath and had a coherent thought. Not a natural public speaker. We were supposed to talk about our pioneer heritage, and as I posted earlier, Nate stole my talk so I decided to share some things I learned from my mom.

My parents were both raised as Baptists, and as a young married couple with two small children they were living in a duplex in Ahoskie, NC. The family living in the other half of the duplex was also a young couple with small children. As the kids played in the back yard my mom became good friends with this lady, and somehow the subject of religion came up. Her friend, Joy, was from Utah and was a Mormon. Mom said she didn't know anything about Mormons, so she just started asking some questions. She also said Dad loved to talk religion with anybody, so it wasn't long before they were meeting with the missionaries and taking the discussions. She said she started reading the Book of Mormon to see what was wrong with it, but when she couldn't find anything she decided she should really take the missionaries' challenge to pray to find out if it was true. She received her answer and both she and Dad were baptized.

I was only a year and half old when my dad got sick with a brain tumor. They had started a greenhouse business just a few years earlier, but Dad's sickness left him unable to work. Eventually, Mom and the Littles joined their nursery businesses together, and we gained the greatest friends of our lives. She was never able to be a stay-at-home mother. Being a small business owner is certainly not a 9-5, Mon-Fri. kind of job. But even though she worked a lot, I always knew she would rather have been home with us. I wanted to grow up to be a stay-at-home mom, and I think that desire came from her.

She also taught us the importance of the Sabbath day. Sundays were for church and family. My dad wasn't active in the church for very long. He quit going to church before I was born, so that meant that Mom was the one responsible for getting all five of us kids to church by herself every Sunday. Flowers still need to be watered on Sundays, so she would have to take her turn watering on Sundays every few weeks, but even on those weekends she would make the effort to attend as much of church as she could. Sometimes loads of flowers would have to be delivered to a nursery in D.C. that bought a lot of our plants. She wrote this in one of her letters to my brother who was serving a mission: "Looks like if we have a load tonight, I will have to take it. I’m supposed to give a short talk in Sacrament, so I wouldn’t mind missing it. If we do go, I think I’ll take kids and unload in the night. That way, I can be back on time. (May 9, 1992)" I thought it was pretty incredible just how much she would be willing to do to make it to church and fulfill her responsibilities. She said that Sundays were her favorite day of the week. This is another excerpt from one of her letters to Mike: “Another short weekend. How was yours? I guess Saturdays are work days for you like the rest. But, aren’t Sundays great? It is such a change from the regular week.(May 1, 1992)"

Mom also taught us the importance of being involved in all of the meetings and activities at church. She served as a youth leader for a long time and she would get so frustrated that the youth who were really struggling seemed to always miss the activities that were really great and end up coming to the ones that weren't so hot. I remember her pointing out to me that you can't just come to church sometimes because you never know which meeting or activity will be an amazing one that you can gain so much from; you're more likely to miss the good stuff if you just participate sometimes.

Recently I was reading a talk given by President Uchtdorf from this past General Conference. He shared an experience about accepting a calling that reminded me of Mom's attitude towards serving in the church. "I had just received a promotion at work that would require a great deal of my time and attention. During this busy season of my life, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin extended a call to me to serve as stake president.

During my interview with him, many thoughts raced through my mind, not the least of which was the unsettling worry that I might not have the time this calling would require. Although I felt humbled and honored by the call, I briefly wondered if I could accept it. But it was only a fleeting thought because I knew that Elder Wirthlin was called of God and that he was doing the Lord’s work. What could I do but accept?

There are times when we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do. And so I accepted gladly, knowing that God would provide." 

Mom was asked to serve as the Young Women's president when my sister was in Young Womens, and Mom worried that Kellee already got enough of her preaching and probably could benefit from having someone else fill the position. But she faithfully accepted the calling trusting that the Lord was asking her to do this and He would work it out. I have heard Kellee say that it was really great having Mom serve as her Young Women's president, and I must say Mom really was a fabulous youth leader. She made the gospel fun.

Speaking of fun, the Family Proclamation teaches that wholesome recreational activities are a part of creating successful families. Mom was great with this. I remember one evening she decided she wanted to watch the sun rise over the ocean. So, we packed blankets and everyone piled in the car and we drove the hour and a half to the beach. We stayed on the beach all night (I don't even know if that's legal these days) talking and watching the waves crash in the moonlight and then watched the sunrise. Then we piled back in the car and drove home to get ready for work and school. I will never forget that. Our family home evenings weren't always very conventional either. We had ping pong tournaments, we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over the campfire while Dad told stories, she wasn't afraid to consider watching the NCAA basketball championship a valid family night activity, we played Spoons and Scattergories and Pictionary and I'm sure tons of other games. In one of her letters to Mike she told him about trying to decide what to do for family home evening that night. She said, "We talked about a lot of things to do, like stuffing Gary’s car with newspapers (but he keeps it locked), playing putt-putt (but it was too cool for the little ones), the shopping cart game at the grocery store (but that one scares me), etc. We finally settled on going to the Corral. Not very interesting or spiritual but a real treat since we haven’t done it in quite a while, especially together." (I feel the need to explain that putt-putt is miniature golf, and the Golden Corral was just about the only sit-down restaurant in our town besides Pizza Hut.)

She also taught me to love the scriptures. I'm sure she taught many lessons on the importance of reading our scriptures everyday, but what I remember most is walking into her room at night and seeing her reading the Book of Mormon. I think she also did a good job talking to us about the things she was learning as she was studying. On the way home from church we were often discussing the things we had learned in our lessons and classes that day. This is a journal entry I wrote a few years after she died: "Tonight as I was reading my scriptures I started thinking about Mom. I was thinking about the day of the accident and how that afternoon someone brought the personal belongings from the car to Grandma Bass's house. Mom's Book of Mormon was there, and it was neat to flip through and see her markings. But tonight I realized that because her Book of Mormon was in the box of belongings from the car, that meant that she had them out and not tucked away in her suitcase. I love my mom. She was actively studying her scriptures whenever she could. It's amazing how she is still teaching me. In Mosiah 3:19 it says that we should be 'willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him.' Mom was that way. I hope I can be able to do that." Her favorite scripture (at least one of them) was Helaman's description of the stripling warriors found in Alma 57:21: "Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them." She wanted to be as obedient as the stripling warriors, and I think she did a pretty good job of it.

Mom was also quick to acknowledge her blessings. I have never had a hard time paying tithing because of her example. We never had a lot of money, but we always had everything we needed. She faithfully paid her tithing and always made it clear that this was the reason our needs were always met. She also felt like our family received many blessings from Mike's decision to serve a mission. There were quite a few that she pointed out to him in her letters. This is just one example that I really liked. Before leaving on their missions, Mike and Greg thought they might want to start a landscaping business and got a job planting trees along both sides of a long driveway leading to a plantation house. Mom wrote to him, "Remember that second planting of trees you and Greg did? Well, about six of them had died. That really bothered me. I felt you were responsible to get them to live. None of them had leaves on them last year. But, believe it or not, this spring, there are leaves on those trees. There is only one up on the road front (that the horses chewed on) that does not have leaves. I honestly think they were dead, but because you and Greg are serving the Lord now, He performed a miracle on those trees. He really cares. That is what is so great about the gospel. Not only is it true, but it brings joy and wonders that we can appreciate if we only do our part. I know it is true. I also know that God loves all of us and is pulling for us. He is there!” (April 24, 1992)

This quote from the same talk by President Uchtdorf that I mentioned earlier also reminded me of my mom. "We need to be constantly reminded of the eternal reasons behind the things we are commanded to do. The basic gospel principles need to be part of our life’s fabric, even if it means learning them over and over again. That doesn’t mean that this process should be rote or boring. Rather, when we teach the foundational principles in our homes or in church, let the flame of enthusiasm for the gospel and the fire of testimony bring light, warmth, and joy to the hearts of those we teach." The gospel was definitely a part of her life's fabric, she called it an everyday religion. And she was in no way boring. She was happy and fun even though she faced many challenges in her life, and I know she would attribute that to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Her life showed her testimony. I think of her when I read James 1:22, "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only."

During youth conference one year, the youth leaders handed each of us letters that our parents had written to us. This is one paragraph of the letter she wrote me, "I know His gospel is true and can lead us to happiness. I am so grateful for the direction it has given our family. I am sure we would be so worldly and unhappy without the gospel. I know that the Church is the tool set up to help us learn. I enjoy all the activities and opportunities it gives us. I know Heavenly Father and Jesus live and they care about every aspect of our lives."

I will forever be grateful that her heart and mind were open to hearing the Spirit, and that she was courageous enough to not only accept the gospel but to continue to live it throughout her life.