- Whining -- boy could I use some tips here. What strategies have you used to help alleviate this? What parental behaviors do you think encourage or reinforce whining? Anything else you want to add about it.
- There are many studies showing the advantages of breastfeeding. Some of these are that breast milk has a more complete nutritional value than formula, increased immunity against diseases, easier digestibility, and an easier transition to solid foods. How did you decided whether to breast- or bottle-feed? If you nursed, did you notice any of these benefits or any others? What challenges did you find in breastfeeding? Any other comments or thoughts.
- Recently there has been a lot of news about toy recalls because of lead paint or dangerous magnets in the toys. How do you determine what toys will be safe and/or stimulating for your children? What criteria do you use to determine if a toy is a "good" toy for your child?
Feel free to talk about any or all three subjects. The whining probably has the most relevance to my family right now, but the breastfeeding will probably be the easiest to research, whereas the toy safety is a current topic of interest with the recent news. Maybe your responses can help me decide what to write on. Thanks for your help!
3 comments:
Susan, this is so interesting. I'll bet you love this class. I really would love to be a permanent student. I love school. I feel like I'm stretched pretty thin right now with church and family, so now is not the time for me to be able to be involved in school "officially", anyway. :)
Here are my thoughts: about whining, we had a moment several years ago with Elise. She was in a whining phase and we'd said several times things like, "stop whining", "don't whine," etc. One day she was doing it again and when I told her to stop whining, she said, "Mama, what's whining?" It floored me! Sometimes I take for granted what they know or understand. Sometimes curbing it is as simple as explaining what it is. :) Usually when ours are whiny, it is because they are tired, frustrated or upset. So we'll usually have them take a little quiet time. It gives them a chance to rest and recover from what's bothering them and go forward from there.
Breast-feeding is another interesting topic. A friend and I were discussing a conversation she had with a working mom who had an infant. She was due to be out of town for a week, working in London. Another friend asked, "Will you be pumping while you're there?" The mom said, "Absolutely! It is so important for my baby to have breast milk. It is healthier for her. I have already been storing up breast milk in the freezer and will be pumping while I'm away." We discussed how interesting it was that she placed so much importance on breast-feeding, and yet so little importance on actually being there with her baby. I breastfed all 3 of mine, for varying lengths of time. I think I have very healthy children, they were when they were little and still are. How much of that can be attributed to breast-feeding? I don't know the answer to that. When I started nursing with Elise, I mainly did it for the health/immunity benefits. What I didn't forsee were the wonderful bonding moments that I experienced as well. So the bonding definitely played a part in my decision to breast-feed the next two. It was much more of a challenge to nurse baby #3, because I had a toddler and a preschooler to take care of too. I often felt really torn between nursing the baby and helping the older two do something.
As for the toy situation, since our move I've been reminded how little my kids actually play with toys. Sure, there are a few favorites, but all in all, the majority of our toys just seem to be decorations for the shelves. I think I'm more drawn to the idea of what makes a toy good than what makes it safe. Not that I'm not concerned about toy safety, but sometimes I think we've gone a little crazy with it. Toys are labeled for certain ages, stating they are choking hazards for younger children. But a lot of that for me, is knowing you child, what things they like and how they play with toys. And, of course, watching them. :) But I'm interested in how you decide a toy is good. After my blog post the other day, I probably sound like I'm on some kind of girl power kick or something, which is NOT the case. But I'm not a big fan of Barbies. I had them when I was little, and my kids have them now. I just don't like the way they are dressed up. It is extremely difficult to find modest ones and that is important to me. I feel like that is something that I've explained to my daughter--certain types of clothing are not appropriate. And yet her dolls are dressed that way and worse. The doll are too sexualized for small kids. I think its one thing (of about a million that they are exposed to) that gives the idea that less clothing, that more revealing clothes make you more appealing. That is what gives you value. I think it is just a continued frustration in the messages our girls are getting from everywhere. Anyway, good toys for me are ones that are educational, that allow the kids to use their imaginations and encourage playing together and interacting with one another.
I have no idea how this got so long. :) Just interesting questions! Good luck with this and all your other assignments.
Whining....not something that I enjoy hearing. But I do think that answering the whining does encourage the behavior. I think kids do things that work. So if they are getting their way by whining - they'll keep it up. I also think that during preschool years you might hear more of it. Their vocabulary and ability to express themselves seems limited at this age. Oh - I can hear Jay right now upstairs whining "I had that first". Daddy is now stepping in. I'm glad it is Saturday. :) I think that we can limit the whining (probably not eliminate it) by encouraging positive ways to ask/express things. Jay is really in this stage. Daily I ask him if he can talk to me like a big boy, or ask me with a nice voice. I think at least he knows that isn't the proper way to ask and with time and learning it won't be such an issue (I hope). But let me know if in your research you find any new ways to deal with it. At least we all know we aren't alone in this battle! :)
Thanks for your replies, Kristen and Alli. You gave some great comments. I chose to go with the whining since I found a few articles I liked on that. I'm going to paste my paper here so you can read it if you want. We'll see what grade I get on it!
Speaking of her 2 ½-year-old son, A. Bass (personal communication, 15 Sep 2007) of Goldsboro, North Carolina, said, “Daily I ask him if he can talk to me like a big boy, or ask me with a nice voice. I can hear him right now upstairs whining, ‘I had that first.’” Whining is a behavior that parents can be assured is very normal in toddlers, and there are strategies parents can use to stay calm and take control during times of misbehavior. Parents can teach appropriate ways of expressing feelings, model, set limits, follow through consistently, distract, determine the cause, and accentuate the positive to help their toddlers.
Whining is a normal behavior exhibited by almost all children. This habit usually begins around the age of two and a half. (Schneider, 1989) Lawrence Balter (1998) explains that before children can speak well, whining is one of the only ways they can express feelings of frustration and anger. Often, this will be displayed by children who are more inhibited than those who have more aggressive tendencies and may shout or demand. The child may not even realize this feeling as anger; he/she may not be able to label that feeling. (Schneider, 1989). Recognizing whining as a normal stage of development may help relieve frustration parents feel when their child begins to whine, making it easier for them to implement the following helpful strategies.
Teach how to express feelings. While K. Barnett (personal communication, 14 Sep 2007), of Garner, North Carolina, was trying to help her daughter through a phase of whining, she would often say things to her daughter like, “Stop whining” or, “Don’t whine.” Then one day her daughter said, “Mama, what’s whining?” Barnett says, “That floored me! Sometimes I take for granted what they know or understand. Sometimes curbing it is as simple as explaining what it is.” Benson (2003) says that we not only want to teach our children not to whine, we also want to teach them how to communicate and ask for things clearly and respectfully. “Before that can happen, kids need time to develop a ‘feeling word’ vocabulary – a process you can help along with statements like: ‘I see you are feeling happy/sad/angry/frustrated right now.’”
Model. “It’s never too early to teach children that some forms of communication are simply not acceptable.” (Benson, 2003) One of the best ways to show our children how to behave is to behave properly ourselves. When a child is whining, speak to them in a completely neutral voice without lecturing, frowning, sighing, yelling, or whining back. Any parent knows that advice sounds a lot easier than it really is to follow, but remaining serene will allow the message to eventually reach the child. (Benson, 2003)
Another fun way to be a model for your child is simply to play with them. Researchers from the Child Development and Mental Retardation Center in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Washington have found it is helpful for parents to spend at least 15 minutes daily in uninterrupted, nondemanding play interaction with their child. (Webster-Stratton, 1980) During this play time parents attend to, praise, describe, or comment on the child’s behavior, and they are not to structure the play but simply be an “appreciative audience” allowing the creativity and ideas to come from the child. (Webster-Stratton, 1980) “If the child is allowed some power or control in the play situation, such as setting the rules of a game, and if the parent can model acceptance of these rules, then outside of play, when the adult is setting the rules, the child will be more likely to accept them.” (Webster-Stratton, 1980) It is also reported that when a child is given a parent’s complete attention and praise, even for just a short time each day, play becomes more creative and imaginative, and the child’s self-confidence increases. (Webster-Stratton, 1980) Children who are more confident and more accepting of parental rules will have less need to whine.
Set limits. An effective control technique is to set some ground rules for the child. (Balter, 1998) For example, if the child begins whining, in a calm voice say, “That tone will not work; please use your normal voice.” (Benson, 2003) Parents may have to repeat a request because children will most likely test the limits they have been given. (Benson, 2003)
Follow through consistently. After the rule has been set, parents should follow through patiently and persistently. (Webster-Stratton, 1980) What happens when the child just won’t give up, even after a parent has calmly repeated the request? It is time to ignore the child. (Benson, 2003) Bass (personal communication, 15 Sep 2007), a mother of four children, explained, “I think that answering the whining does encourage the behavior. I think kids do things that work, so if they are getting their way by whining – they’ll keep it up.” Sometimes it can be difficult to ignore a noisy child, and Benson (2003) offers an alternative technique called reverse mirroring. “Basically, you exaggerate the opposite emotion, so the more frustrated and overwrought the child is, the calmer and quieter you become. That way you model the kind of behavior you want from the child and show her it’s possible to calmly deal with problems.” It is important for parents to stick to the hard work of curbing the whining. “Whining children whose behavior goes unchecked become unpopular, dependent on others and unable to achieve their full potential because they’re not willing to do the work necessary to succeed.” (Benson, 2003)
Distract. When your child is frustrated that her trip to the zoo is cancelled because of the rain, one way to minimize some of her frustration would be to offer another appealing activity such as finger painting or playing a game together. (Schneider, 1989) Another idea to thwart the whine is to “ask him to repeat what he’s saying in a variety of ways – first in a whisper, then slowly, then very fast, and so on; this game may distract him from whatever he was whining about in the first place.” (Balter, 1998) Also, during times of stress, humor can often help diffuse the tension. President Gordon B. Hinckley (1996) has said, “We need to have a little humor in our lives. We better take seriously that which should be taken seriously, but at the same time we can bring in a touch of humor now and again. If the time ever comes when we can’t smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time.”
Determine the cause. Barnett says, “Usually when [our children] are whiny, it is because they are tired, frustrated or upset, so we’ll have them take a little quiet time. It gives them a chance to rest and recover from what’s bothering them and go forward from there.” Children may also be hungry, bored, or need some affection when the whining starts. (Benson, 2003) Since they have a limited vocabulary, the parent may have to stop and think about what the cause might be in order to meet the needs of the child.
Accentuate the positive. Balter (1998) says parents should compliment children for their efforts to comply. “A hug, kiss, kind word and, yes, the occasional goody go a long way towards reinforcing positive behavior. When your son asks for something politely, respond with a simple line like: ‘My ears liked that voice.’” (Benson, 2003)
Parents can confidently take their children to the mall or grocery store knowing that by implementing these strategies they can thwart the whines of their normal toddlers.
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